It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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