it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
