How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You made out with two different species that night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize