In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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