My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
