The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
