Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
