I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
