I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
