He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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