I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
