Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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