so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize