who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize