Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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