I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
