So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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