I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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