i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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