I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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