Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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