I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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