He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
