I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
