I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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