okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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