So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize