I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
