wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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