I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
