I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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