he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
