get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
