My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
