btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
