Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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