You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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