you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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