im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
