People in love make me want to vomit
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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