Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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