yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
