I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize