I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
