My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
