So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
