He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
