i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize