He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
