So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
