I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
