i don't like sucking hair
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
