If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
