You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
