We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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