@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
