i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
