we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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