i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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