You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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