Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
