and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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