this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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