he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
