3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
