i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
