i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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