Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
