so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
