Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You smell like stripper and shame
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
