i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
