i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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