Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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