He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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