I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
