I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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