I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
