Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
