Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
