I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
