turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
