if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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