Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
