I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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