I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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