I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
