I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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