I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
