you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize