I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
