I am puke
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
