I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
