You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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