Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
