I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
