im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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