he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
