Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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