wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
