I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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