gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
