I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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